


The Barista Boy(A Lams College AU)

by turkulesmulligan



Category: Hamilton - Fandom, Miranda - Fandom
Genre: Asexual James Madison, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Boy x boy, College, College AU, College Juniors, Cute, Eliza’s mean for a bit, Fluff, Gay, Gay John Laurens, Gay Thomas Jefferson, John is a cinnamon roll, Kings College, Lams - Freeform, Lesbian Peggy Schuyler, Love, M/M, Modern, Starbucks, Very Straight Eliza, real classy, she get’s better though I swear, soft, thomas Jefferson sucks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-09-27 22:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17170802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turkulesmulligan/pseuds/turkulesmulligan
Summary: It’s basically just another Lams College AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liza’s boring, Alex thinks John is hot, it’s honestly your everyday modern college au.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooooowowowowowowowo chapter 1 is published! I can’t decide my opinion on this site, everyone seems so professional.

“Look at the world? Isn’t it beautiful?” She exclaimed as she spun in the snow, her face to the sky. Her beautiful was undeniable, that was no surprise given she had a heart to match. She was kind, happy, and gorgeous, she was what some men would call perfect; but I was much more interested in the curly haired boy working at Starbucks, his face covered in freckles, with olive skin making his hazel eyes pop. My mind snaps back to reality as I hear Eliza, my girlfriend.  
“Earth to Alex,” She says in a sing-songy voice smiling, she’s always smiling.  
“What? Oh, sorry Liza. I’m really out of it today...I have a paper for Washington due Monday.” That was a lie, the paper was due next Friday and I was almost finished.

  
“Do you want me to give you a ride home? It’s really okay if you do.”  
“Oh, no. I’ll just go get some coffee,” I say motioning towards the Starbucks, “do you want anything?”  
“Sure” she started rummaging through her handbag for cash.  
“You don’t need to pay, I’ll get it. Just tell me what you’d like,” I say, she smiles softly.  
“I’ll have a small green tea, thank you Alexander.” I nod and make my way to the building.  
“I’ll have a Medium black coffee and a small green tea.” I look up and my eyes meet with the curly haired barista. From this close I can see his name tag. His name was John. Next to the name tag he had a small rainbow pin secured to the pocket of his green and black flannel shirt, left unbuttoned, with a green v-neck underneath.  
“Uhmm..sir?” He asked,  
“W-what?” Fuck. I stuttered.  
“I need a name for the order.”  
“Oh, shit. Sorry. Alexander.”  
“Got it, now six dollars and eighty-four cents is your total.” He smiled softly. I handed him my credit card, which he swiped and handed back, our fingers brushing slightly.  
“I like your...shirt,” he added quietly. I felt myself blush ever so slightly as I walked away to wait for the drinks. Smiling. My coffee came out in a few minutes my name neatly written on the side. Eliza’s tea was set out next, no name. I grabbed the drinks and made my way back to my girlfriend, hesitantly. She sitting down, looking at the sky, snow in her dark hair.  
“I can’t get over how beautiful it is.” She state as I sit down across from her and pass her drink across the table. I continue to nod along to the things she’s saying, but my mind is elsewhere. I thought about John, about his soft lips I’d love to kiss, about his freckles I’d love to count. One, two, three….four-hundred-thirty-two, four-hundred-thirty-three...my trail of thought is cut off. A tall girl stands next to Eliza, her hair is a similar dark color, but her skin is many shades darker. Angelica.  
“Look at him Eliza, he doesn’t even know I’m here. Honey, you can do better.” She says.  
“Angelica, he’s having an off day, he’s not usually like this.” Eliza tried to get her sister off my case.  
“I’m sorry,” I say, pushing my long hair from my eyes back into a messy ponytail at the nape of my neck.  
“What’s going on in that head of your?” Angelica asks,” or is it just air? I’ve heard the pretty ones tend to be a bit dumb.” I could tell Angelica was quite protective of her sister.  
“What’s going on in my head? What’s going on in my head is my final essay for law class do this Monday. If I push the deadline I fail, Washington can be a real asshole sometimes.”  
“See Angie he’s just stressed, now let Alexander be, for God’s sake.” Eliza defended me. Angelica simply shrugged and walked away sending me a warning look. I wish I’d been telling the truth.  
“I know you’re busy, but could you just take a short break? For me? I miss you” Eliza said quietly.  
“S-sure Liza. What else would you like to do today?” I ask. I don’t want to hurt her, but I know it’s inevitable.  
“Let’s go back to your dorm, we can watch a movie. I’ll make popcorn.” She smiled with the last part, she knew I loved her popcorn, it was salty, buttery heaven.

———time skipidy-skip back to Alex’s dorm room

I opened the cabinet in an attempt to find a good movie. We ended up settling on E.T., because E.T. is a fucking amazing movie. Eliza snuggled up against me, which had always made me a bit uncomfortable, but I didn’t protest. I put my arm around her shoulder, munching from the popcorn bowl in my lap. Everything in this moment was as perfect; so why didn’t I like it? I shrugged off the thought and brought my focus back to the movie. It wasn’t as interesting as I normally found it, I guess maybe it too predictable. Much like Eliza.

  
The movie finished, the popcorn was gone and Eliza was sleeping on my shoulder. Breathing softly. I slowly slid my shoulder out as I guided her head onto a throw pillow and placing a soft blanket on her body. Quickly kissing the top of her head, I made my way to my room and sat down at the desk. I decided to finish my paper.  
Three hours had passed when I heard a stir from the other room. I tired Eliza walked into my room the blanket draped around her shoulders.  
“Morning” She said softly, even though it was half past 8(pm). I smiled at her and saved my essay, closing my laptop. “Let’s go get something to eat,” she yawned and I nodded. We decided on Chinese takeout, because we were both too lazy to get into the acceptable clothing for a sit down restaurant.  
“I think Laf and Herc are still out, I’ll ask if they’re willing to pick up the food.” I say. I dialed Lafayette’s number on my phone and waited as it rung.  
“Salut?” His thick accent could be heard through the line.  
“Yo, it’s Alex. Are you and Herc still out?”  
“Are we with you mon ami? Of course we’re still out. Mais, non I will not go get you whatever you’re about to ask for.” I sighed, Laf, Herc, and I all shared a dorm—which was not always a good thing: because they were dating and, oh god, the sounds. I could never unhear certain things. I shudder at the thought.  
“What do you need?” A lower voice spoke next, Herc.  
“Mon amour, we do not need to cater to Alexandre’s every need. We were having fun.” Lafayette pouted. Eliza and I could hear a small argument before Lafayette agreed, “Fine. What do you need?”  
“Could you just get Liza and I some Chinese? You can get yourself some….I’ll pay.” The last part I said hesitantly. I was a college kid, which means my wallet’s about as empty as my mother fucking soul.

(a/n: I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t think of something empty, before it said “about as empty as a giant fucking bucket,” then it said “about as empty as my grandma’s casket,” but that made no sense, so here we are.)

It took a while for Laf and Herc to show up, they probably made a few stops on the way. I pulled out some paper plates, and all the alcohol we owned, topping it off with some red solo cups. We ate and drank until we heard yelling from down the hall, and the door slam, ending with a cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas is a big meanie, John is sad, Eliza sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is honestly kinda a bit fat mess, but I thought I’d post it anyway

It’s TW: homophobic slurs, and some bi erosia (I think I fucked up the spelling for that)

I open my door to see what’s going on and there I see the boy from Starbucks—John. He’s sitting on the floor crying, the contents of his duffel bag strewn across the floor. There was visible bruising on his face and neck, and his nose was dripping with blood, but he still managed to look gorgeous(a/n: sorry that’s morbid as hell).  
“What the hell happened?” I turned to face Eliza,  
“Shouldn’t we help him?” She asked,  
“What would we do?” Laf asked, Hercules was the first to move, he approached John and placed a hand on his shoulder. He flinched away. I was the next to move, I walked over and helped him up, he leaned into my shoulder as I walked him into my dorm, and sat him on the couch. Laf and Herc put his things back into his bag, and brought that inside. I asked Eliza to make some tea, as I looked at him with worried eyes.  
After a few hours he spoke,  
“I-I’m sorry for barging in—” I interrupted,  
“No, you didn’t barge in at all,” he looked scared shitless, “Do you wanna talk about what happened?” He shook his head, but still spoke,  
“H-h-he—” Eliza started stroking his hair with one hand, holding an ice pack with the other.  
“Shhh, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He nodded, but kept going,  
“H-He f-found out I w-was...g-gay..t-then, h-he called me a f-fag and s-started hitting m-me.” I was shocked. Someone did this to him because he was gay? What the actual fuck is wrong with the world.  
“Who did this to you?” I asked, my eyes filled with rage. This I wanted to kill whoever beat up John.  
“T-Thomas J-Jeffers-son.” That stupid macaroni-dick-face was gonna pay. I ran out of the dorm, Eliza warning me to calm down before I did something stupid. I went down the hall, to the place John had been thrown out of; banging on the doors until my knuckle were raw. Eventually a very tired looking Jefferson opened the door and kindly asked me to “shut the fuck up,”because he needed his ‘beauty rest.’ The tall man was dressed in a short violet , silk bathrobe with flowers and dragonflies on it, his dark hair puffed out in a perfect afro.  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I shout,  
“Excuse me?” Anger rises in his voice,  
“You know what you did, how could you do that to John?”  
“The fag got what he deserved,” I couldn’t take his rudeness anymore, I slapped Thomas directly across the face, I could see the hurt in his eyes for a , before he covered the pain with more anger.  
“How can you of all people say that? After everything?”

_flashback——-_

I’m holding my boyfriend’s hand. Boyfriend. That sounds nice. We sit in an empty classroom, our legs hanging off the desks,  
“Tommy?” I ask in a sing songy voice, while playing with his hair, “Why do you like me?” I had, had a crush on Thomas since the seventh grade. We’d never really been close, we just had a few mutual friends, so I was shocked when I learned he felt the same way. Thomas turned his head towards me and smiled, “Well for starters, you’re a pretty great kisser,” I giggled slightly as he placed his soft hand on mine, intertwining our fingers. He continued,“you’re handsome, and kind-”he stopped and moved his hand away from mine as he noticed someone walking into the room. My smile faded. Yes, Thomas was my boyfriend, but he wouldn’t let me tell a soul we were together. I waited for the intruder to leave, before I asked,  
“Thomas, when can we tell people we’re together?” He looked at me with a serious look,  
“I-I don’t know…” he trailed off, “I’m just not ready yet.” This was an excuse, we’d been seeing each other in secret for almost a year. I was fully out at that point, and I understood that it takes some people longer...but it hurt me to have to hide my feelings whenever we were out in public.  
“Do you know when you will be ready?” I asked, trying my hardest to sound understanding.  
“N-No I don’t know when I’ll be ready, but Alex, I do know that I love you.” He cupped my face in his hands, and closed the space between us. We broke apart after a while and I smiled,  
“I love you too Tommy.”

_end of flashback——-_

“I swear to God, Alex. If you tell anyone about what happened that year I will fucking kill you.” I wasn’t scared of Thomas, he was all talk, or at least that’s what I thought.  
“I will tell everyone our little secret, if you don’t go and apologize.” This was an empty threat, I wasn’t cruel.  
“You wouldn’t dare.” I could see he was scared, he wasn’t the best at hiding his emotions.  
“Fucking watch me,” with that I turned on my heel and started to walk away, but he grabbed, my hand with a sigh.  
“Fine.”

————————Mini time skip back to Alex’s dorm, brought to you by Jefferson's perfect hair, cuz honestly fucking how? I’m jealous.

“Sorry I called you a f-” I shot him a death glare, “a slur and sorry I beat the shit out of you.” John still looked a bit scared, like Thomas would snap any second and hit him again; but it was a bit difficult to take him seriously in the bathrobe, I could see both Lafayette and Herc practically shitting themselves with laughter.  
“O-Okay, I forgive you.” We could all tell he was lying, but no one said anything. When I felt Thomas had said enough, I escorted him out of the room, and walked him back to his own dorm,  
“Fuck you, Alex,”  
“I would, but I thought you were too busy fucking Madison.” His face turned bright red, I leaned near his ear and whispered with a smirk, “don’t worry, your secret’s safe with meeee.” I walked back to my room and pulled out all the board games we owned and gestured for John to pick one. His face lit up, with a childish joy. Damn that boy was cute. (A/n: if you don’t know the premise of the life game this will probably make no fucking sense, so sorry whoooops)  
We ended up playing Life, and finishing the Chinese food we had leftover. We kind of just accepted John into our group without a hitch, he just seemed to fit with everyone but Eliza. They both pretended to like each other for everyone else’s sake, but it was still obvious. I’d never met someone Eliza didn’t like.  
I landed on the “you got married,” square and I had trouble deciding whether to marry a dude or a chick in the game. I had never told Eliza I was bi and I wasn’t quite sure how she’d react, but at the same time I didn’t want John to think I was straight. Wait, shit. I’m with Eliza. I’m with Eliza. I’m with Eliza. But what if I wasn’t? What if I could just kiss John. I bet his lips are soft. His eyes are nice. He’s really just hot overall, like dammmmmnnnnnn. I shake my head and snap out of my funk as I grab a random person and put it in my little car piece.  
“That’s a boy Alexander.” Eliza says, Jesus Christ.  
“Oh, I guess it is.”  
“Are you gonna change it?” There’s a slight edge to her voice.  
“I mean I could, I guess I’ve never mentioned this but I’m...bisexual.” I mumbled the last part, I didn’t see why it was a big deal but some people lose their shit when I tell them. Lafayette decided to help me out when Eliza asked what I said.  
“He’s bi.”  
“What the hell does that mean?” I couldn’t decide if she was confused or angry.  
“It means he likes chicks and dicks,” John spoke, his first time without stuttering, his words earning a chuckle from Laf and Herc. Then things got a bit intense.  
“I’m not stupid. I know what it means. Alex, honey you’re not bisexual. You’re just confused.”  
“Nope, pretty sure I’m bi,”  
“No. You’re not.” The anger was now clear in her voice.  
“It’s not even a big dea-” she cut off John,  
“How can you tell me this isn’t a big deal? God, nothing ever works out for me! This is just a load of bullshit, first my sister ssays she’s a lesbian, and now I find out you’re a fag. I can’t fucking believe this.”  
“Get out.” Herc said. She didn’t move.  
“Get out!” I yelled. She walked out of the dorm and slammed the door. That’s when I started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked that? Feel free to comment or leave kudos or something idk...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Alex is sad, him and John get talking, Thomas is mean again but he has a soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
> -that is a perfect example of how I feel right now.

If someone asked, I couldn’t tell them why I was crying. I think it was for a variety of reasons. I was angry at Eliza, but I was also confused. Confused that the girl I spent so much of my time with was such a shallow, homophobic, bitch. There was no nicer way to put it. Laf and Herc did their best to comfort me while John just stood there awkwardly,  
“I’m sorry...this is my fault.” He stood up to leave, but I grabbed his arm.  
“No, no, not at all. You made it better. No one could get mad at that cute face.” I smiled, flirting was not my strong suit; but sometimes it cheered me up. John turned a bit red and looked down at the ground avoiding eye contact. He looked embarrassed. It was adorable, “also, if Eliza is willing to be that cruel, I don’t want her in my life. I never really liked her as much as she liked me, and I’ve liked….someone else for a while now.” Johns face fell, I don’t know why. Did he know I was talking about him?  
“I guess I kinda understand that, I’ve had some pretty shitty coming out experiences too. My dad flat out told me to jump of a bridge or get the hell out of his house. That’s how I met my best friend Peggy.”  
“Wait? Peggy who? What’s her last name?” I asked. He seemed confused.  
“Peggy..uh..I think it started with an S? Smith? No...Sky? That’s not it either…oh! Schuyler! Her last name is Schuyler.” He looked cute when he was thinking.  
“I can’t believe you know Peggy!” Peggy and I had only met a few times, back when I was in highschool. Before she’d been kicked out. She was the first person I came out to.  
“Wait? How do you know Peggy….Wait?” a lightbulb went off in his head, “Holy shit! Peggy’s Eliza’s sister?”  
“Yup…” We continued talking. Even after Laf and Herc left. We talked, and talked, until it was past three a.m. I let him crash in my bed. I took the couch. I was not going to let him go back to Thomas’s, and I wanted him to be a comfortable as possible. He told me he felt bad taking my bed, but honestly, I usually fall asleep doing work on the couch, so I haven’t slept in an actual bed for weeks, that could be part of the reason that I’m always exhausted. Who knows.  
——lil’ time skip to morning, brought to you by turtles, cuz turtles. Just turtles.

(I have a turtle, he’s 7.5. His name is flippy, I love my turtle sm, honestly being a turtle would be fucking dope.)

It’s five in the morning. It’s too early to be awake, but my first class starts in half-a-fucking-hour, and I feel dead. There’s something about only sleeping a short amount of time, that’s so much worse than pulling an all nighter. Because you sleep but it’s never enough. Before John went to sleep I grabbed some random-ass clothes from my drawer in preparation for today. I didn’t want to wake him, he didn’t seem as accustomed to late nights as I was. I put on the clothes, pick up my bag, and grab a sweatshirt that’s lying on the floor. It seemed a bit larger than usual, but I disregard that entirely.

The walk to class was nothing less than normal. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, and mentally cursing myself for not getting a cup of coffee. This was normal for a college kid. 

I was a law student so the crowd I saw around were not exactly the most interesting. Never in my life had I seen people wear so much black. I sat in my seat and plopped my bag down on the table, pulling out my laptop and opening it. The class started within a matter of minutes, and I pretended to take notes on my laptop while really just clicking random keys and eventually writing my name in binary code. This is what boredom feels like.

The bell rang startling me a bit. Mr. Washington finished his lecture, reminding us we had a mock trial debate tomorrow. I gathered my stuff and started walking to my next class. I could hear people snickering behind me and I wondered why. Was there a hole in the ass of my pants? Did my socks not match? I soon understood the issue as Thomas spoke up.  
“Is that your boyfriend’s sweatshirt?” I was a bit confused at first, but then I realized I wasn’t wearing any sweatshirt of mine, it was green and I didn’t own a green sweatshirt. It was John’s. Oh, that’s why it was big. I’m really fucking short, I’m 5’5”. I turned my head to the back and saw the name Laurens stitched big in gold thread. Jesus fucking Christ.  
“He’s not my boyfriend.” I say as calmly I can.  
“Then why are you wearing his fucking sweatshirt?”James asked chidingly. James barely had a personality of his own, he constantly followed Thomas around like a sad puppy dog. It was depressing.  
“The sweatshirt was by the door and I picked it up by accident this morning.” I say.  
“Oh, did you take it off him last night, when y’all fucked?” Thomas said. My face turned red, I couldn’t decide if it was from the anger or just flat out embarrassment. We didn’t even do anything.”God Thomas, leave me alone and go fuck Madison or yourself or your fucking macaroni, I don’t give a shit.” I said that louder than I had meant to. Thomas looked pissed and people were starting to stare. Indecipherable whispers could be heard, and then Thomas’s anger faded to worry. He just stood there for a bit before saying,  
“I-I’m not gay.” I felt bad. Thomas was a dick, but still I felt bad. I swear I could see tears brimming in his eyes, as he turned to leave. James following close behind him.  
“Well shit,” I say turning away walking to my next class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the chapter feel free to comment?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex ditches class *gasp*, everyone gets hella drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really have anything to say...microwave?

I went to one more class that day, before I decided to call it quits and take a day off. I payed burr a twenty to make a copy of his notes for all of our important classes, he may be pretty annoying; but hey, he takes some pretty fucking great notes. When I got back to my dorm I had some coffee, which gave me enough energy to both start and finish this semester’s group project, for everyone in the group. I made sure to add a slightly different grammar style for each person’s part-which is one of my best talents. But now there’s nothing to do. Fucking hell.

I stand up from my very comfortable place on the couch and walk to my room. I was shocked by the perfectly made bed and neat...everything. John had left a note on the desk, 

thank you again for letting me take the bed, you really are too kind Alex. Can I call you Alex by the way? Or should I stick with Alexander? Whoops...I’m rambling a bit now. Anyway, by the time you get back I’ll probably be at work, if you want to stop by I’ll get you your usual medium black coffee. Hope you’re having a great day!

-John  
P.s. have you seen my sweatshirt? It’s green with Laurens on the back.  
Xx

I noticed something crossed out, at the bottom, but I couldn’t make it out. I was still wearing the sweatshirt, I mean I wasn’t gonna take it off. I was...cold, and it smelled nice. I can’t decide if that justifies wearing it. I hesitantly slip off the sweatshirt and fold it neatly on the bed. 

Shit, the boredom’s back. It’s about 4:30 pm, I guess another coffee wouldn’t hurt. I wish I had a fucking car. Dammit Liza, she always drove me places, afterall her dad was loaded. I’ll walk, I could stand to lose a few pounds anyway. I lock the door to the dorm behind me and start my walk, 18 blocks to starbucks. I pass by Samuel Seabury on the street, being a straight up idiot, reading something George III payed him to say. I gave him a five dollar bill out of pity and told him politely to ‘shut the fuck up,’ and continued on my merry way. 

\-----------------------------lil’ mini time skip soley cuz I don’t really know how to explain someone walking and also it’s fucking boring so yeah, oh and this is brought you by Jasmine Cephas Jones cuz she’s fucking gorgeous. You’re welcome.

Boom, Starbucks, the home of white girls and overpriced drinks. There he stand apron and all taking some chic’s order. I smile to myself and hop in line. I few more people order adn then it’s my turn. He smiles widely when he sees me.   
“Just a medium black coffee, sir?”   
“Yup, freckles” he blushed lighly from the nickname.  
“O-Okay, that’ll be 3.62. I get off in a few minutes, do you mind waiting? I feel like I have to pay you back for letting me stay at your place.”   
“I’d love to wait.” With that I walked to the counter to pick up my coffee. On it was alexander in nice handwriting with a heart next to it. I could feel my face heating up and I looked down, after noticing John’s gaze was still on me. I sat down in one of the dirty old leather chairs that they have sitting out and waited, twiddling my thumbs thinking about how soft John’s lips must be-  
“You ready to go alex?” I looked up and there he was.  
“Yeah.” I said. We walked out and just wandered aimlessly for a few minutes, before John spoke,  
“Do you wanna go back to your place and chill with Herc and Laf? Maybe invite Peggy?”  
“Uhhh...sure I guess.” I say hesitantly. In the least creepy way possible, I just enjoyed being alone with him.   
“I’ll buy drinks.” he added awkwardly. Then I was fucking sold. Getting drunk with my friends was always fun. Given it didn’t really take a lot to get me drunk. Being 5’5” I don’t really hold alcohol the best. 

John and I stopped at the liquor store and we split the cost of the beer. I offered to carry the bag back to the dorm; but after John saw the fact that I could barely lift the fucking thing, he offered. I tried to argue, but he just shot me a don’t try to be all manly look. The actual walk back was genuinely really nice. We talked about highschool. I learned he had gone to school in South Carolina until his Junior year when he moved to New York. My next question was one he’d probably heard before,  
“What happened to your accent then?” He looked down,  
“Oh, I suppose I got made fun of for it my first year of college, so I just learned to hide it pretty well…it still comes out sometimes when I stop thinking, or I get crazy exhausted...or when I get super drunk.” He scratched the back of his head.  
“Oh. Well I’d love to hear it sometime.” I mumbled the last bit, but I think he still heard it. We talked about a lot, but I did fail to mention a few things. For example, my past relationship with Thomas. 

When we got back John called Peggy, and I gathered Laf and Herc from their adjoining dorm. The door burst open after a few minutes.  
“I heard there was booze. Pass me some of that shit” I grabbed a beer and tossed to her. I took one myself and popped the top off, taking a few sips and then passed John one.

\------------------------time skippppppppp to where everyone’s happy and completely shitfaced, cuz that’s always fun. 

“Why does no one talk about how hot Sebastian the crab is,” I slurred. We were watching the little mermaid and it’d never been this funny before. I’d only had 2 or 3 beers, but I was definitey drunk as hell.  
“Why does no one talk about how hot Alex is?” John giggled, he was on his eighth beer, just starting to seem a bit tipsy. Damn that boy could really hold his liquor. Lafayette looked at Herc as he made a little heart with his hands and pointed at us. Peggy started snorting after she chugged another beer.   
“OOoh what should John and Alex’s ship name beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?” Peggy slurred streaching out the “be.”  
“Hmmmmmmm” Herc looked like he was deep in thought.   
“Haurens?” Laf asked Peggy looked horrified,  
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying? You think that Alex would top? Bitch he is like the bottomiest person I fucking know-” that’s all she could say before breaking into hysterical laughter. Laf pondered her words before replying in his typical french accent,  
“You are right. Lams?” Peggy’s eyes lit up.  
“Yesssss! It’s perfect,” I could see her little fangirl heart sing, “now all we need is a nice Lams moment.” Even in my drunk state I realized what was happening.  
“Kiss, kiss, kiss!” Laf and Peggy chanted. John looked at me, as if to ask for permission. I shrugged awkwardly trying to play it off as no big deal. I don’t think I convinced anyone. We were all sitting on the floor in front of the tv, the movie still playing. He was sitting directly across from me. The others sat waiting around us as he scooted forward till he was only inches from me. He placed his hand on my face and leaned in. The kiss was perfect. It wasn’t really lustful, but it wasn’t completely innocent either, it was a perfect mixture of everything. After a few moments we broke apart and I just looked in his green eyes.  
“Damn, darlin’,” I could hear his southern accent.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangovers and Alex does a bad thing after drinking a shit ton more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay the writing style in this just randomly changes whooooops

I woke up with a hangover and a very stiff neck. I’d been sleeping on the floor, everyone else was gone. The events of the night replayed in my head as I tried to make sense of what had happened. John’s hand on my cheek. John’s soft lips on mine. I don’t think we had gone any further than that. I was glad that even in my drunken state I could still make some logical decisions. My head throbbed. I couldn’t decide if I had regretted what had happened, I think I more just regretted how it had happened.

I have six classes today, six classes I can’t afford to miss. I decided to get a move on. It was still relatively early, if I got dressed now I might even have a shot at picking up coffee. Starbucks had horrible coffee—don’t get me wrong here—but I still enjoyed it to a point. It made me feel the slightest bit more normal. I thought maybe I’d catch John—if he was working today, that is. I decided, I would just pretend last night didn’t happen, I mean we were both pretty fucking drunk, he probably has no recollection of the night. 

He wasn’t at Starbucks. He didn’t go to class, I knew since we took Philosophy together this semester. He didn’t come home at all that night. I don’t know why I expected he would, I guess he was still just crashing at my dorm till he found a place of his own; but I thought he’d moved into my dorm, we bought an extra bed and everything. The next day when I got back from class his things were gone from my apartment. I couldn’t put my finger on why it bothered me so much. It’s not like we were together or anything. Just because he was gay doesn’t mean he was interested in me. People do stupid things when they get drunk, they’re actions don’t mean anything; so since I was an intelligent human being, I got a drink. In actuality it was more like twelve. I drank an entire case of beer alone and I was really fucking small, it didn’t matter how much I denied it, I couldn’t hold my alcohol well.

There was a big difference between getting drunk with your friends and getting drunk when you’re sad. You make stupid choices either way, but I could never explain what I did next.

“Tommy,” I slurred as I knocked on his door. A very confused Thomas Jefferson came to the door, wearing a loose tee shirt and sweats. His hair perfect as always.  
“Fuck off, Hamilton.” He said, I tripped and fell on the ground and just sat there.   
“Jesus Christ, how much did you drink?” He asked, his tone a mix of worry and confusion. He wasn’t a horrible guy behind all of the shittiness.  
“I’m not drunk.” I pouted.   
“Yes you are,” he helped me up and started walking me back to my apartment, when I started ranting.  
“John left me,” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I continued, “I mean, it’s not like we were together or anything, but I-I really liked hanging out with him...but then I had to get drunk and fuck it all up. I always fuck everything up and Tommy, I miss you. I know I’m drunk and stupid..but..” I stopped talking and kissed him. He pushed me off almost instantly.  
“What the actual fuck Alexander. You’re drunk and you don’t know what you’re saying.”   
“But I do know what I’m saying.” I whined.  
“No you don’t hun’. How bout’ you come inside my dorm and I make you some soup, we can watch a Disney movie or something. I promise I won’t take advantage of you.” Thomas’s words seemed so nice, so I nodded and followed him inside and he did exactly as he said. We just sat on the couch and he stroked my hair while I cried. After I cried out my tears, and we sat in silence for a few moments, until I spoke up,

“Are you actually fucking Madison?” I was still a little bit tipsy at this point.  
“No, he’s aro and ace. I didn’t have a chance. He is one of my closest friends though, you and him are the only ones who know...I’m...you know…” he trailed off.  
“Gay.” I finished and he nodded, I snuggled closer to him and we just stayed that way for a while. Even once I sobered up completely I didn’t leave. I didn’t want to. I felt so safe with Thomas. Safe.  
Eventually we went our separate ways; but I started going back there more and more. In a way I felt like I was reliving my high school days in the closet, but I liked being with Thomas; even if it meant sneaking around a bit. Life was good. That was until Herc and Laf found out. I never said a word about it. I always said I always just said I was going to the gym, or getting coffee...I guess they caught on, because I’d never gone to the gym, and I never came back with coffee.  
One day, I had gone over to Thomas’s and we did our usual—Thomas cooked dinner and we watched a movie, our fingers intertwined; but then there was a knock on the door, so assuming it was Sally or Madisons I went to open it. Low and behold, Hercules and Laf stood towering over me with disapproving looks on their faces.

“I can’t believe you’re hanging with this dick.” Herc spoke, his tone colder than I think he intended it,  
“Oui, mon ami, Thomas is not good.” Laf added, “I get that you miss John, but honestly tu can do better. If you really cared you’d go after John.” He words honestly hurt me a bit,  
“What if I don’t want to be with John? What if I’m happy with my life as it is. I get that you don’t like Thomas, but I do. Don’t you want me to be happy? How the fuck did you even know I was here?” I didn’t give them a chance to say anything before slamming the door in their faces. I didn’t know if I even was happy. 

I gradually stopped talking to my friends at all, and I slowly became more immersed into Thomas’s friend group. I wasn’t introduced as Thomas’s boyfriend but I thought that was fine. Boyfriend. I didn’t like the word when it was attached to Thomas as much as I used to in high school. I didn’t think much of it at the time.

I found myslef back in philosophy class today, I hadn’t missed a day. I sat next to Thomas, holding hands under the table. With my free hand I found myself doodling on my notes. Usually I’m a pretty avid note taker, but I’ve recently found it difficult to concentrate. I just feel...on edge. I looked down at what I’d drawn after a few minutes. I wasn’t a good artist by any means, but I could still tell who it was by the multitude of freckles, curly hair, and turtle boi sweatshirt. John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always pretty cooooool


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas is really mean, manipulative, and honestly a fucking idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: domestic violence
> 
> This chapter shows a bit of sassy John and honestly sorry for the shitton of Jamilton I’ve put in this fanfic. I’ve been reading a lot of Jamilton and I didn’t feel like making a new fanfic.

John. I forgot just how much I missed him, his smile, his hair, just him. I saw him every time I went to philosophy and I just wanted to go over to him. I ached to. It wasn’t that Thomas wasn’t great, he was. I hated the fact that I was back where I started. Hopelessly in love with John, while I was unavailable. Was it really love? Probably not; but I can label my emotions however I see fit. 

I felt Thomas’s grip on my hand tighten and I looked up. There he was in his freckled glory.   
“Hi.” he said,  
“Hi.” I reply, feeling a light blush spread up my neck. The bell rang and Thomas jerked me away,  
“We were just going, right Lexi?” I cringed slightly at the nickname, It didn’t feel right coming from his lips. I nodded meekly. John looked at me with worried eyes,   
“Laf and Herc miss you, Jesus I’m sorry for leaving after…” he trailed off, “Alexander. I miss you.” he mumbled, his voice sounded close to breaking. I was going to say something, but I gave into the tug on my arm and followed Thomas, back to his dorm.

The next day I went to Thomas’s dorm, I found all of my things put away neatly. I asked questions but Thoms only said, “we’ve been together I while so I thought it’d be nice if you lived here.” and you didn’t even think to ask me? That was all I could think for the next two weeks. I became slowly obsessed with his actions, trying to understand them. We were still dating under the radar, I’ll admit it bothered me at first, but now I didn’t mind it so much. We were free from the weird looks. Free from judgement; but I didn’t feel free at all. Thomas slowly got more controlling. He felt like I had to be with him every minute. I didn’t think anything of it for a while, but I wanted time to myself too. I liked to write essays alone. I liked to stay up later than everyone else; but now my life was on a tight schedule. I didn’t even have a life outside Thomas.  
I went over to Herc and Laf’s dorm one day, I wanted to see how they were--they were worried about me. I tried to rationalize Thomas’s actions to them, but they didn’t understand. Or maybe I didn’t understand. I kept mumbling out my thoughts until they knew everything I kept from Thomas. I wanted to live in my dorm again. I wanted to see John again. I wanted privacy again. 

The only reason I was even able to visit my friends in the first place, was because my last class ended early. By the time Thomas got back to his dorm and realized I wasn’t there, Herc and Laf’s was the second place he checked, only after my dorm--my sad empty dorm, still filed under my name.   
He got angry. He grabbed my arm and dragged me back to our--no, his dorm. A place where he lectured me on what I’d done wrong. I apologized so many times, but it wasn’t enough. He hit me. Again, and again, and again. He hit me until I was on the brink of consciousness.

Thomas apologized for what he’d done and hugged me tight. He kept telling me that he was damaged, that he didn’t know what he was doing. The worst part was--I believed him. I honestly believed I was at fault. I believed that I deserved the beating. I didn’t go to class the next day, Thomas wouldn’t let me,   
“Lexi darling, it would look bad.” I just stayed put in Thomas’s dorm. I was scared he would come back, but I couldn’t leave, I knew if I did, he would just hit me again. He would find me and hit me again. He’d probably beat me to death this time.  
I felt myself start to panic. I tried to calm myself but I couldn’t. Everything got worse when there was a knock at the door. Thomas probably forgot his keys, I had to open it. I had to; but I didn’t want to. I slowly made my way towards the door, cringing as I brought my hand to the knob and turned it. It wasn’t Thomas. I let out a shaky breath I didn’t know I was holding. Right in front of my eyes an argument took place,  
“Herc, if he needed help he would fucking ask for, he’s not five!” John stood wearing a loose sweatshirt. He looked like he’d lost some weight. His curly hair a bit messier than usual.  
“That’s real rich coming from you. You are aware he’s dating the guy who beat the shit out of you? Or did you forget the part? He’s fucking dating the dick who beat you up because you were gay. I can’t believe the irony here.” Laf countered. Herc yelled at both of them,

“Shut up, he’s standing right here!” they both shut up and gawked at the bruises that covered my face, neck, shoulders--everywhere actually. They weren’t supposed to see this. If Thomas found out--my thought process stopped, I didn’t want to go there.  
“What the fuck happened man?” Laf asked worry in his eyes. I could feel tears coming on so I looked down,  
“You s-should g-go...he’ll be back soon….he’s gonna k-kill me” I couldn’t help the tears from falling. John off of an old instinct ran over and held me.   
“Shhhhhhhhhh, it’ll be okay, let’s go back to our dorm, I moved back in.” John stroked my hair and walked me back down the hall, Herc and Laf following close behind.  
Once we were back in I collapsed on the sofa in John’s arms. He sang softly, I didn’t recognize the song, but it was calming.   
I felt safe for the first time in forever. I knew Thomas would be back and he would find me; but I decide to look past that. I just sat in the moment and took a mental picture and snuggled closer to John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You could always comment?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets some pretty bad nightmares about some dark shit, John helps. The first paragraph is necessary, but doesn’t really fit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty short, just a lil over 1000 words.

**TW: implied rape.**

Our peaceful bliss however didn’t last for long. Soon, Thomas had found out where I was staying, within only an hour of my absence. Although, he never made his way past Herc and Laf. They just stood at the door, blockading his path. I shouted a few rude things at him, I was still afraid of what he could do; but I tried to push the fact that we were fucking over. I did my best to push through the fear. We all kinda celebrated that he was gone. I was in much higher spirits. Everything finally seemed like someday it would be okay. Laf made his way to the fridge and stared mindlessly at its contents.

“Yo, you want a beer?” He asked, I shook my head, 

“Sorry, but I’ve got to decline, alcohol made me go to Jeffershit, so for now I’ma stop drinking.” they looked at me feigning shock, but still understood. We all sat around and talked. That was how things stayed for a while, slowly getting back into their usual swing.

 

Life was normal.  _ Boring _ even. The morning sun started rising filling my room with a golden light. I sat up in my bed and peered at the clock.  _ Two-thirty-two _ , twelve minutes later than the last time I checked. Sleep was a delicacy I could never seem to afford. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to sleep. I  _ couldn’t _ . My exhaustion slowly became more evident as the ever-growing the dark circles spreading beneath my brown eyes. I run a hand through my hair, and finally decide to get up. 

Ever since the whole Thomas-thing, I’ve had more trouble sleeping. I’d always been good at staying up late and working my ass off, but this was different. I’d fall asleep for three minutes, then wake up from  _ vivid, violent _ nightmares. Or on the flip side, I wouldn’t wake up for hours, having to wallow in fear. He had only hit me once. That was a fact; but as I looked back on the relationship, he made me do a lot of things I didn’t want to. I said  _ no. I said no so many times, but he wouldn’t stop. _ He would always justify what he did, and I didn’t realize how horrible my situation was...until the next time he did it, then the cycle would repeat. Over and over and over again. I never really understood what he was doing was wrong, sure I hated every second of it.  _ But he liked it _ and if Thomas was happy, I had thought I could be too.  _ Still, _ I wanted it stop. 

I would relive all of our worst moments in my nightmares. I’d begin ditching sleep all together. It wasn’t something I felt I needed. Again, I was used to all nighters...just not so much a consecutive 2 weeks of them. I filled myself a nice big cup of coffee with an extra four shots of espresso I pulled myself. 

I was about to take a sip when a very confused John walked into the kitchen, his hair messy with curls everywhere,

“Why the fuck are you awake? It’s so early. Is that coffee? Are you not going back to sleep?” I’d gotten pretty good at coming up with excuses.

“Oh. I had an essay to finish. So I thought I’d do it before class.” This wasn’t a lie. I did have an essay, an essay that I had to edit and perfect. John looked at me tiredly,

“How many pages did you have to write?”

“Five.” I say.

“And how many did you write?”

“Eighty-nine.” I replied sheepishly. 

“Jesus.” he took my coffee cup away, “Go to sleep.” I look up, knowing full well how pathetic I looked.

“I can’t.” I mumbled. This was the most I’d said the whole sleeping thing, since it started six weeks ago. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” John asked awkwardly.

“It’s nothing, really.” I lied.

“Alex.” he warned, “I’ve noticed how tired you’ve been lately...I just assumed you’d been working like usual. If there’s something...wrong, you need to tell someone. You can trust me.” John took a step closer to me and I broke.

“Do you promise not to tell anyone?” I say.

“I promise.” He says. I take a breath,

“Nightmares.” I whisper.

“Nightmares?” he asked.

“Yeah, the moment I fall asleep there  _ he _ is, doing it again. I get so scared, sometimes I wake up, sometimes I don’t and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t stop him…” I trail off.

“Jefferson?” he asks, I nod, “so Thomas is beating you up again and you can’t do anything to stop him. That’s horrible.” I shake my head. I realize I have to tell John the rest of what Thomas did to me.

“I said no, I said no, no, no, no” I kept whispering that to myself over and over again. I slid down the wall, my head in my knees and rocked back and forth. John slowly connected the dots.

“He didn’t…Oh my god.” he covered his mouth with his hand and sat down next to me. John placed a hand on my back and I felt myself flinch, he pulled away--not wanting to scare me--but then I  slide closer to him. I buried my face in his shoulder and tried to remember where I was. I wasn’t with Thomas. I was with  _ John. _ I wasn’t in Thomas’s dorm. I was in  _ mine. _ Thomas couldn’t hurt me.  _ I was safe. _

Eventually John made me try to go back to sleep. He said I could skip classes the next day if I wanted to, and he’d make sure to me some good notes from burr. He tucked me tight under the covers and let me snuggle next to him. Soon, I fell into a peaceful dreamless sleep. We just stayed that way, basking in the moment for as long as we could. My mind finally at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this? Idk.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex finally go on a date after Alex tries(and fails) to be philosophical as fuck.

That night was slowly merging with others like it. My relationship with John was different to how it had been in the past. Our feelings seemed mutual—I couldn’t say if they actually were, but neither of us dared to say anything, we were frightened to lose what we had worked so hard to build.   
  
  
  
I also wasn’t sure if I wanted a relationship anymore, my whole perception of love was so insanely and utterly fucked, that my whole system needed rebuilding. Though, I don’t think I’d be apposed to falling love, I just feel the need to do it on my own terms. Freedom.   
  
  
  
I finally found myself on a normal class schedule. My fear of Thomas turned to a genral hatred, which then morphed into a simple discontent with his presence. There was nothing in my mind he could do to fix the shit he did, but forgiveness seemed to come more easily than I expected—though I think I only forgave him out of spite. I still thought of it as a step in the right direction.   
  
  
  
I never thought I could enjoy normality so much. I never thought I’d be content with a boring life, with being forgotten, and maybe in the long run I’m not, but for right now, I feel pretty darn okay.   
  
  
  
*********************   
  
Then, John wouldn’t leave my mind all day. The more  I told myself I didn’t want love, the more I realized I did. I wanted more than what we had, and to be perfectly honest I didn’t even know what that was. It was probably selfish to destroy the blanket that bliss had created, but I tried not to think about that. I tried to forget my countless fuck ups.   
  
  
  
I had planned multiple outs for myself, if John wasn’t interested. Though, none of them seemed too realistic, but I guess ‘faking my death, and running across the Canadian border with a new identity,’ was always a decent option.   
  
  
  
I was going to do it. I am. I will. Shit.   
  
  
  
I tried to convince myself it’d be okay if he said no, they could just play it off as if nothing had happened, right? Probably not. I couldn’t decide if I was overthinking this or not. I guess if worst comes to worst, I can just apply for a dorm switch or some shit.   
  
  
  
I’m going to do this.   
  
  
  
“John?” He looks up from his book, a vague confusion in his eyes.   
  
“Yes?” He raised an eyebrow.   
  
“Can I ask you something?” Great, now I was just stalling.   
  
“Why wouldn’t you be able to?” Damn, this was just getting awkward.   
  
“Uh...I was wondering if you maybe wanted to catch a movie or something..kinda maybe like a date, umm, if you’re chill with that. Sorry, you can totally say no. I mean of course you can say no, it’s still a free country...I think. I mean it is Trump’s America now so I don’t actually know. At least we haven’t fallen to communism yet...I mean it’s not like capitalism is really that great, all of the political models have a lot of flaws...oh shit, now I’m rambling.” I spit out at lightning speed, quite honestly praying John hadn’t understood any of the shit I had just spewed.   
  
“Sure.”   
  
“Wait..what?” I don’t think I heard that right.   
  
“Sure. How’s tonight work?”   
  
“Umm...good..yeah..tonight’s really good.” I say nervously my face heating up.   
  
“Aww. you’re cute when you blush. See you at seven.” With that he walked out the door for his shift andI not-so-silently fangirled to myself about the date I had tonight.   
  
  
  
It was two-fifty-six. I still had a shit ton of time to wait. I wrote an essay, and another, then it was five. Clothes. Fuck. What the hell do I wear? Laf’ll know. I dialed his number and listened to the phone ring a few times before he picked up.   
  
“Salut, Alexandre what do you need?”   
  
“Uh..I kinda have a date tonight and I don’t know what to wear?” The line went silent for a moment before Laf’s voice came back.   
  
“Herc! Mon amour, did you hear? Alex has a date!” I mentally face palmed for the questions that were to insue. Herc was the next to talk,   
  
“It better not be with Jeffershit.” I stiffen slightly at the name.   
  
“No fucking way.”   
  
The pair came over and insulted everything in my closet, before deciding on a random sweater and jeans. They never actually asked who the date was with, I guess maybe they figured it out or maybe just didn’t care as long as I wasn’t seeing Thomas again.   
  
  
  
******************   
  
I was dressed and ready, sitting on the counter at six-fifty-eight, I only had to wait a few minutes before John burst through the door looking...hot..like usual.   
  
“Wow. You look great, you wanna go or something?” I nodded happily and hopped down from the counter like a four year old and we made our way to the theater.   
  
  
  
We decided to watch some old-time-y horror that was playing—that apparently no one else wanted to see, because the theater was dead empty—with a big ass bucket of popcorn. We did that super cliche thing, where we both reach for the popcorn at the same time and our hands brush, and we look into each other's eyes, and it’s all romantic and shit. Before I knew it, my hand was on his cheek, and his lips were on mine.   
  
  
  
************   
  
  
  
Let’s just say neither of us really caught much of the movie.   
  
  
  
“That was fun, we should do it again sometime.” John laughed.   
  
“Which part, the date or the making out?” I joked,   
  
“Both.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who needs a consistent writing style....pshhh


End file.
